Moving

well, I never thought we would be doing this again. I have lived in Idaho for 7 years. It was really starting to feel like home. Change can be a good or bad thing. I am just a little scared to move out there see what life has in store for me. It feels like home to me in this house. I just don't want to leave. Life is all about moving forward and making changes and becoming better people. I just have so many things I am leaving here. It will be hard when I am having a hard day I wont be able to go and visit Tyler. Also I love my single's ward. We are never sent somewhere we are not suppose to be. One part of me is excited and the other is scared. Life must go on one way or another.

My Valentine

Tyler,
I want to first start out by saying I Love You. I hope that you are just having the time of your life. Every minute of every day it gets a little easier. I hope you know how much I Love you. you made my life complete. You taught me a special kind of love I had never known or had tell I met you. There will always be a special place in my heart for you. you are always with me. I never thought I would be alone on Valentine's Day, but I don't completely feel alone. You are here! You will always be my Valentine! I am so lucky that you chose me. That I got to be the one to spend life and time with you. For that I will always be grateful. I cant wait to see you on the other side. Save me a place in line. I LOVE YOU!!

Love always,
Hannah

1\12\2010

A month a go today my Tyler passed away. I feel like it was just yesterday he and I talked on the phone and I saw him. This past week I went out to Missouri with my parents to look at houses. It was fun and tiring. This is the first trip I have gone on where I am coming home and he inst here. I know he is in a good place and that he is watching over me. Whenever I get sad I can feel his arms around me and I know everything somehow is going to be okay. He was always the strong one and was so brave. Now it is my turn to do that for him. I Love you!

Wishing...

Valentine's Day is comming up in 2 weeks. Whevever my sister and I would walk into a store, the store was covered in lots of red and pink candy and hearts and stuffed animals. Tyler loved pink. There were so many I saw that I really would of loved to have gotten for him. He would of loved them. With him it was never about how many presents we gave eachother, it was about us and the love we had for eachother. He always made sure I had the best. Whenever he took me to dinner or baught me something it was always the best pleaces and things. whatever I needed to make me happy he always made sure I had it. He took such good care of me. Last Valentine's Day was the best. We got to be together and we had an amazing time. My goal is for every major event when we would noramally be together I am going to go and see him and give him so pretty pink flowers, so he will always know how much I love him.

Believe...

I do believe that Heavenly Father puts certain people in our lives for a reasaon. I also believe that every has a gaurdian angel. I have always known that, but I didnt truly believe that until recentoly. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, you just have to go out there and look for them. From the minute Tyler and I saw eachother I feel like we were looking at eachother without knowing we were looking. I knew him from church and saw him at school a lot and we talked here and there. I always thought he was cute, but I never thought I would get a chance to be with him. I thought he would never give me the time of day. Now that I look back at he was the one that changed my life. He showed me how beautiful life really can be if you work hard enough. I believe Heavenly Father put Tyler in my life for a reason. I feel like we needed to be together at this time, to help eachother throught life's tough experiences. We always helped eachother whenver we were having hard times, or just needed a shoulder to cry on. He was there for me when my Grandpa died and when my nephew died. It was a hard time for me. now I am hurting again and he is not here to comfort me. I need him now more then ever, but I know he is where he needs to be right now. I wouldnt trade these last 2 years for anything. Tyler changed my life more then he will ever truly know. I do believe he is up there right now getting things ready for when I come. I feel like he is watching over me. For that I can go on and be okay. I Love you Tyler....

Love Lives on

I reached for you this morning
Woke up with empty arms
Once again it's sinking in
How far away you are
I still pour two cups of coffee
And tell you all about my dreams
This kitchen's way too quiet
You should still be here with me

And even though I cry like crazy
Even though it hurts so bad
I'm thankful for the time God gave me
Even though he couldn't make it last
I'm learning how to live without you
Even though I don't want to
And even with you gone love lives on

I still call your mom on sundays
It's good to hear her voice
She always tells me that same story
About her stubborn little boy
And I kept your favorite t-shirt
You know the one I used to hate
Ain't it funny how it's the one thing now
I just can't throw away

And even though I cry like crazy
Even though it hurts so bad
I'm thankful for the time God gave me
Even though he couldn't make it last
I'm learning how to live without youEven though I don't want to
And even with you gone love lives on

She comes with me on your birthday
Little flowers in her hand
She's always known that somethings missing
But to young to understand
And someday she's going to ask me
What kind of man you were
I'll tell her all the ways I loved you
And all the you I see in her


And even though I cry like crazy
Even though it hurts so bad
I'm thankful for what god gave me
And she's the perfect way to make it last
I'm learning how to live without you
Baby I don't want you to
But even with you goneLove lives on

Baby love lives on
Love lives on
Oh
Yeah

I reached for you this morning
Woke up with empty arms

moments...

So it has been about 2 weeks since he died. Little by little moment by moment I am coping with this. you are with soemone so long and then poof... Tyler and I have known eachother for 7 years. Granted we didn't talk a whole lot in the beginning, but as time went on we started talking and then we hit it off. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of him. He is and was my best friend. I loved it cause it was the first guy I really liked and one of the best things was my parents really like him. My parents were okay with my choices and it felt good. There are moments when I am smiling and all is well and then at times I see his picture or I am reminded of a memory or his voice pops into my head and I cry. I always thought he and I would always be together. Nothing could ever seperate us. I felt like I had was always there for him when he needed me and when he was in the accident I felt so hopeless. I felt like he could be crying and scared and I am not there. At that moment I wish I could fly or something. Tyler and I were ever rarley apart and not being able to be with him that night was so hard. I prayed alot that night asking Heavenly Father why did this happen we were suppose to be together. Heavenly Father told me Hannah he was not ment ot pick you up. I need his help and it was time for him to go. You wernt suppose to be in the car your mission is far from over. Tyler needs to you to finish down here and he will come with me and be your gaurdian angel. I have never felt as much peace and comfort and heartache all at the same time as much as I did that night. it is just so crazy what can happen in a moment...

It is good to smile!!!

I don't know but
I think I maybe
Fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting 'til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

As I'm standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It's just you and me

I'm trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

Oh I just can't take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

I can't stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it
I think I'm fallin' for you [x2]

I'm fallin' for you

Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I'm fallin' for you


I was listening to this song today and it made me smile.... Smiling is good medicine.

The accident (1-9-2010)

Today at 6:30P.M. Tyler was in a terrible accident. He was on his way to come and pick me up for our date. He was suppose to pick me up at 6:20. I had talked to him multiple times that day. It was about 6:40 and he hadn't showed up. So I called his cell and no answer. So I waited I figured maybe his cell was dead. So I waited and then I looked outside. It was about 7:30 and no Tyler. His mom finally called me a little while later and told me he was in a terrible accident. I wasn't able to see him until the next day. His car had flipped upside down and hit two power polls. He was life flighted to St. Al's in Boise. I didn't sleep at all that night. The next morning I went to church and took the sacrament and then I went to the hospital. I was there almost all day. I sat there for a while and then I got to go back in the room and see him. I just stood there for the longest time and held his hand and I cried. I had just seen him Friday night and none of this seemed real to me. Then I went home that night. I came back Monday, and they seemed positive like he might pull through. By that night there was like no brain activity. Then I got there Tuesday morning and we knew it was the day. I got to see him again and he looked so peaceful. I could tell he was gone. I am just so lucky that while he was here on the earth that I got to be the girl in his life and we got to love each other. He changed me in ways he will never know. It is always interesting to see what changes Heavenly Father has in store for our lives.

Tyler Collins

Tyler passed away Tuesday January 12, 2010
You see in the news this happening to other people and prayer it never happens to you. Then when it happens to the one you love it hurts. Tyler and I had been dating for the last 2 years. We spent every minute together. Lots of our dates consisted of dinner and a movie. It was lots of fun. Every since I was little I always wanted to be in love. I wanted to have someone I was close to. Then I met Tyler. He changed my life. We talked about getting married. He finally had a job he loved and he was making good money. His last few minutes on earth I got to spend with him. It is interesting how quickly your life plans can be changed or taken away from you. I know he is in a better place now. I just have to remember I love him and he loves me and we will be together again someday. I Love You Tyler...